Old toby's weather lore -

useful rhymes from days of yore

" 'Ow be on? Old Toby 'ere".

“When the dew be on the grass,

Heat up a chicken Madras.

When the grass be dry first light,

An Aldi croissant’s jus’ right”

“If clouds are gatherin’ thick ‘n fast,

Linger in Costa an’ let ‘em pass.

But if they slowly onward crawl,

You can walk to Wilko’s no trouble at all”

“Wind before rain,

Cadge a lift from Elaine.

Rain then wind,

Wet hoodies get binned”

“If thunder clouds tall

Be colour of pewter,

Close all yer tabs

An’ shut down computer.

If tall clouds are white

An’ gentle be,

That’s full wi-fi strength

For pornography”

“If snow whitens coppice,

Small queue at Post Office.

If rainfall be strong,

Lottery queue bastard-long”

“If mornin’ sky be red,

Pull a sickie from bed.

If fair day in June,

Place of “work”:

Wetherspoon.”

“Mackerel sky, Mackerel sky,

A bag of chips an’ a Pukka pie”